Do you believe in guides or angels?

ME whining to the world:  "Do I really have a guardian angel? If so, why me? I mean, I can take care of myself so why waste a whole guardian angel on me when there are plenty of ppl who are badly in need of one?" 

ME to the World:   "Tell you what, if I do have one, I’d like to donate him to someone who is um…more needy.  The bastard is useless to me anyway." 

Note to Guardian Angel's RCMP :   "You know, there was this one time when my guardian angel let me down badly. And for some unbeknownst reason, the same disaster almost occurred again today, but my unseen guardian angel was there for me in the nick of time." 

Me:   "Grr. You think that first time I was let down, my guardian angel had taken off on vacation without informing me?" 

Note to my universe:  "Hmm  However, I think that my guardian angel is built inside of me, programmed into me by Nature…and also, there are many physical guardian angels outside of me…programmed again by Nature to watch out for me, me, me." 

Me:  "What the heck? I mean, so many people have gone astray, gone missing, gone beserk and no guardian angel has been around to rescue them and here I am, Ms. Totally Independent and I am surrounded by Guardian Angels. Ya know!!!"

ME: "I have an idea. Stay tuned while I IM my Guardian Angel. Now is the time to find out whether he or she exists or not.  (I have this weird feeling that if my guardian angel exists, he would only respond through the Internet...)"

ME: IM-ing my Guardian Angel@lost&found.com: "Dear Guardian Angel of mine. Do you exist?" 

AGA:  "Dear Amy, I don’t exist. So there."

Me all excited:  Wow.  My Guardian Angel exists!!!

Me frowning:  "Huh?  Wtf?" 

AGA: "O, shut up, Amy.  Now go away!!!  You’re the most trying, pestering charge ever." 

Me: "Listen u bastard of an angel…when have u really and truly come to my aid?" 

AGA:  "Ah.  Um.  U remembered that time when you were a kid of four and almost drowned?  Well, I believed I was the one who rescued u." 

ME:  "U bloody bag of liar. U were not even there….and the water kept on swallowing me until this huge kid reached in and pulled me out…but then again, he was the one who made me fell overboard."

AGA: (Sheepishly) "Ah. Oh. Um. But I am always here when u need me….I mean, there are so many times u could have died….and oh, yes, um, u forgot how many times I saved u from road accidents becuz u are always in another world? And—"

Me:  *scoffs*  "The credit belongs to Nature. She programmed me to be cautious…so I am always careful when stepping into marsh, bushes or swamps." 

AGA: *scoffs*  What’s so special about u? How come Nature didn’t program dare-devils like me to be more cautious.

Me: "Oh, s/he programmed all beings to be cautious but goat must have bit the daredevils in unmentionable places when Nature wasn’t looking." 

AGA: Ha Ha. "Very funny and you know what else, I QUIT.  Besides, you’re fearless when it comes to the world and since you have an answer for every situation and every question, there’s no need for me to come to your aid ever again!!!"

AGA marches off or rather he logged out of his account in a cloud of huff.

ME:  Yike. Me and my big mouth…
ME: (Twiddling my thumbs)  What to do.  What to do???   "Okay. Stay tuned. I’ll make another attempt to contact my AGA. I need to apologize. Urgently." 

ME emailing my GA:   "My darling guardian angel, I’m so sorry." 

AGA:  No answer.

ME:  "Yike. Was I just talking to a ghost? Maybe I should email God. He ought to know whether my guardian angel exists or not or whether the creature I just spoke with is some apparition of the devil." 

ME:  Hang on while I email Him, god@everywhere.com “Dear god.” I tap out. “Please write to me soon. I know you exist so that means my guardian angel must exist as well.”


ME: Let’s have a coffee while we wait for his reply. Actually scratch coffee. His reply is already here.


GOD: “Dear Virginia@nowhere.com. You’re wrong, I do not exist. Goodbye.”


ME: Omg!!!! Has God gone Devilish??? I wrinkled my nose.  "Yep, the air reeks of devilish around here all of a sudden." 


ME: I tap out, “Do you have a secretary?” and hit “SEND.”

ME: Deep breath. (I am about to doze off in my chair when a tornado burst through my door, grabs me and before I could catch my breath, I am in heaven.)

ME: Wow. This place is pure poetry. Omg, Lucifer is here too. What the??? (I stood staring at him but he pointedly ignores me.)


(A door slams somewhere nearby.  Heavy thuds approached and I spun around to face God. Yike. Shiver.   His face is as dark as a thunder cloud. He smites a fist into his third eye)

GOD: “Lucifer!” (God roars.) “Why are you not greeting our guest?”

(Lucifer is seated at a desk, busily ignoring me of course while he continues to sign a chin high stack of paper which I am certain were authorizations for his henchmen and minions to cart unsuspecting souls off to hell.)


LUCIFER: “Oh, you mean her?” (Lucifer stood up to assess me with critical eyes.) “Well, technically she’s not a guest but a prisoner.   You see, she was sending all kinds of demanding email to you so I abducted her and intend to keep her here until I figured out why no guardian angels no longer believes in her…”


ME: speechless (I subject Lucifer to my darkest glare but he continues to act as if he has never seen me in his entire eternal life. Some nerves!!! And to think of all the adventures we had together!!! Some devil!!! You think you know them until they got promoted to heaven!!!!)


GOD: (God seems slightly dazed however.) “Hmm. We have a mystery on our hands.”


I let out a long suffering sigh. Poor question of the day. Now how am I going to prove to the world that we don’t have guardian angels? I mean, these two idiots, bumbling creator slash destroyer have no clue why…um…why…a guardian angel no longer believes in me. Yike.


ME: !!! (Sweating furiously. I am in a real dilemma.) “God.” I say desperately. “If I am not your work of art, well, then, could you please look at me under your microscope and find out whether my guardian angel is hidden somewhere deep within me?” 

(I mean, its important I know this so I could let all my online readers know so they may have the courage to go out on limbs to save the world and 'sides this would also save God a lot of hassle.   I mean, if people could save the world from itself, God's life would be even breezier. And people need to know they have guardian angels watching out for their every fall or they won’t take risks!!! The bloody scaredy cats.)


GOD: (pulls up a chair. )  “Now, Missy.” He said as if I hadn’t spoken. “Who created you? Why are you so totally different from all of mankind?”


ME: I couldn’t hold back my smile. Well, I am flattered. In fact, my head is about to swell as well but then I caught a snickering sound and spun around in time to see Lucifer wipes a grin off his face. Bastard!!!  And.  Yike.  His expression told me that I am indeed ‘unique’ in an ‘unflattering’ kind of way.


GOD: Why have you abandoned your guardian angel?


ME: (Sputtering) "I did no such thing. He was the one who abandoned me. But anyway, I really don’t need him…and in fact, I intend to donate him to those who needs him the most."


GOD: (Laughing) "My child, its not you who needs a guardian. Your guardian angel needs you and by making him think he’s useless, u've put him in dire danger.. Similarly people don’t need a God, I’m the one who needs them. So psst…that’s our secret…just don’t tell all your online readers on Gaia, okay?" 


ME: Wow.  And.  "Oh.  Okay.  I promise. My lips are sealed. I won’t tell a soul." 

GOD:  "Okay, my child. I think our session is over for now.  Try and be kind to your guardian angel and don't ever let him know u are the one watching over him, okay?"

ME: (smiling like sunshine)  "Okay. I promise I'll take good care of my guardian angel." 

LUCIFER, the BASTARD!!! :  "Now, Amy, go back to earth and pretend nothing happened here tonight.  What happens in heaven stays in heaven.  And oh, if the world asks you whether you have a guardian angel or believes in one, keep your mouth zipped. Okay?"

ME to Lucifer:  Pffftt.

Me (back on earth): "Duh. Of course I kept my promise to God, and will not blabber to my online readers. I mean, its my finger telling u this story, right?" 

So, there, Lucifer, so there.  pfft.


Amy Ramdass is crawling off to bed.  Good Nite, sweet dreams.   And oh, if any of you see her guardian angel, tell him to get a life, not :(  Right.  I mean, I know she mentioned the bastard is useless  and all but she neglected to tell you he's very entertaining, overly-sensitive, a cry baby and oh, he's quite handsome too :))



The above Image is the property of Amber M Hague