What does your highest self want for you today?

Right now, at this very moment, my higher self needs a divine breakfast but holy hour!!!   Look at the freaking time!!!    There must be a time thief in my midst!!!

Sigh.  Hopefully, I'll make it in time for lunch becuz it's divine lunch that I really need!!!

Literally.

And you know how I know?  Psst, my stomach just whispered it to me but in a very non divine way.  "Grrrr." It said.

But I am presently ignoring voices of this kind because I hate having breakfast...er...lunch all by myself...so here I am waiting for my hubby to come home...(he's away this weekend taking care of his elderly father who has lost his memory for most things except eating to survive.  Grrr.  I really don't understand Nature at times, ...actually, I do, never mind my crazy, coffee thirsting mind, so lets move on....)

"So, hon." I asked my hubby one fine day while we were sipping coffee at Tim Hortons. "How come you love your father so much...I mean, wasn't he a tyrant to you when you were younger?"

"No, he wasn't."   My guy glares at me.     Anyone present at Tim Hortons that morning would think I asked him to shoot his father, that I am a sort of misanthropic when it comes to other people's father!!!      Some nerves of those Tim Horton's customers!!!  Why, they don't even know me!!!!

 Grrr.  And why would I even think such a thing. I love my hubby's father, honestly I do.  The man was just as caring as my father. Oh alright.  Fine. I admit it.  To a little girl, one father looked like a  Dr. Jekyll and the other Mr. Hyde....but hey, even back then I could tell that both their hearts were just as big as the Sun...  See?

So I tried again.  (If you know me, I never give up with my curiosity and that's a disastrous thing, trust me.) So I continued.  "Oh right...um...sorry if I spilled coffee on a sore nerve...and oh, if you missed me, I am in my mind, busily mopping up."  But actually, its donuts I am thinking about.   Maybe I should have one after all.  (I sniffed, totally miffed.  Sheesh.   Some people!!!    You try to show them how totally sweet and caring they are and they just shoot you down  then ask questions when it's far too late.)

Umm. However, whatever I said to make him open up, worked!   He reached for my hands.     "All parents were tyrants in some way or the other but if we hold grudges and don't use our compassionate side when others are in need, then aren't we the real Mr. Hydes?"

Oh.  And wow.  Wasn't I just thinking about  Mr. Hyde?  Okay, either my guy is a mind reader or I must have talked in my sleep. Cripes. What else did I rant about?  Omg!  I knew it.  I knew it.  So this is why he refused to budge from his beliefs that I was the one who rode over the garbage can (Although I came up with this amazing theory that only a garbage truck could have possibly flattened a can that flat.) so yes, I must have rambled in my sleep.

I looked at him and knew he spoke a truth.   "I know." I said. "But I still think your love for your papa is genuine.  I mean it takes a lot of compassion to change a grown person's diapers."   My compassion draws the line here. I am sorry but I can't.  I just can't. I absolutely refused to.  I'd rather shoot myself.  (Cripes. Good thing my teacher pointed out to me that if I ever became a nurse, I'd have to...er...um...do the unthinkable.    

"You would do the same for another human being too." My hubby's  voice pulls me back into my surroundings.

I gaped at him in horror.  "Me?" I squeaked.  Why, I'd puke a million times before I get the job done.  And oh god, I'd rather die than see my parents naked!!!  (I mean, there are times when I am very saddened my dad is dead.    This is not one of them.)

My guy smiles. "Yes, you."

I blanched.  Why did he always have to make everything sound like it was the law. "What makes you so sure?"

He took his dear time sipping at his coffee and then, "If it was me suffering from Alzheimer, would you do for me what I am doing for my father."

And then it hits me.  I am stunned by the realization actually. Wow.   "Yes." I said and now I am totally sure of myself.  Wow.   I am amazed at myself in fact.  "In fact, I'd do more than that for you."   ( Well, umm, except that I won't be able to carry him up the stairs, he's is 195 to my 111 lbs of body weight...  but hey, I'll be there for everything else... )

There was a scraping sound as he brought his chair closer to mine. He hugged me. "Thank you, baby."  

And suddenly I was overcome with tears, sad tears for my father-in-law and also happy tears that he brought such an extraordinary child into this world...

SON AND FATHER

...a son who just made me realized that we are capable of so much if we are moved enough..........and that we have the power to move each other into compassionate mode.......................make each other realize that we are all capable of falling into the same hole and that stopping to help someone up is what will make us stronger to help our own selves in future and also give us certain insight to avoid such pitfalls.  (however, if I've ever fallen into a hole where there's no hope that I'll ever be able to help myself, somebody please, shoot me, put me out of my misery ;-)

So perhaps this is really what my higher self wants for me today, to truly practice doing onto others what I would have them do onto me or something divinely similar.

Er...however, lunch has been cancelled for now.  Umm, why?  Duh.   Read above.  Didn't I clearly state that it's not really food that my higher self needs?  Yike.  Now I will have to read above to make sure.  Yike. 

Okay, there is always dinner...but at the rate my stomach is retracting its non-divine 'grrs',  I'll end up with a midnight snack    ;-)