I'd like to explore that place where many have gone before but they never return to tell about it...............Yes,  I'd like to investigate that land of the unknown ...well...at least through the mind.....

 

Immortal Flower

He was an impressive flower in my world

I knew him even before I was a girl

In those days of full blooming

I never saw his death looming

Until the clock struck the hour

And he wilted like a flower

Leaving me yearning to know

Where did he really go?

I upturned every stone

I searched all alone

High and low and up in the sky

Where do flowers go when they die?

Are they mere nutrients for the ground?

...or meant for something more profound?

If the essences of flowers are never reborn...

...where do they come from each morn?

Can a flower's moments be truly erased?
Or are they archived in time and space

Is it the wheels of Samsara?

Or is this universe a movie camera?

Please, oh please, tell me it is so

Our lives are an eternal film show...

And its time to rewind this world

Come. Let's watch it again, oh boys and girls...

A poem for and inspired by my father-in-law, R. Ramdass
who passed into that land of the unknown
on Friday May 15, 2009.  

I will miss you, Dad
and I truly wished I could rewind the
universe just to tell you how proud I was of you...and that I love you.

I'm not sure I know the answer to this question.  Sigh.        I know! I know!  Perhaps, I am a homo-sapien-sapien-un-sapien and that means:-  She knows that she does not know...

Okay...now...seriously.          What feels like home to me?          Where am I most comfortable?

I mean, I came to this world via the womb and I thought it was the best place ever.  So of course, I decided to stay in the womb ....well...er...until....until....I was dragged out by some spider called Miss Olive....  Anyway,  I am sure I bawled my head off.  I mean, how was I supposed to know the womb was only a way station ???

Ha.  But you know what?   Now that I am here, out in the open, I think I like this bigger womb even more.  Believe me when I say, I really don't want to go back into that crawl space ever...

But....ditching the womb was not my only sin.   Over the course of my life to date, I have moved a few times, given up smaller spaces for bigger ones (also vice-versa) and each time I think my  new spot would feel like a hell hole, it turns out that I have adapted even more comfortably in the new space...okay...except for my old office!!!  I want it back!!!!  

And you know what else, way before my office got smaller, I moved from a small pond called Guyana to an ocean called Canada.  And boy o gorl,  if you could see me in that first week here in Canada you would think that I lost a whole country.............and if you could see me now, you would know that I not only gained a whole planet, why the whole universe is mine as well :-))   ((So...can anyone imagine what I would gain if I ever give up this space I am in right now?  Ha. ha. hee hee ho.  Hyperspace...here I go :-))

And hey, also on Gaia, when I first arrived here, I was like, wtf, why am I even here?  I mean, it's not as if MySpace ran out of space or anything like that!!!  But guess what, o people, my people, I've adapted so comfortably that if you try to haul me out of this womb like Miss Olive did, ha, you're so going to get your shiny, hiny kicked.  Lol. Lol.

So there.  My point is...I think I am most comfortable in that space where I have stayed a while.........so truly, a prison could become a most comfortable space for me if my mind is willing to adjust to that size as well....because whether it knows of better places or feel safer in others, it all depends on my frame of mind...  

So dear world, give me a hole, any mud hole will do....after all I am a lotus flower with mud toes....

Sniff. It's true.  And one more thing, this blog o mine, did not want to come here in the first place, but guess what?  Ha.  Now that it has seen the space it will occupy, it loves it and it has decided to stay...

Lol, now, how about that?  Your blog just got itself a new neighbor!! 


PS:  Water is the other place where I feel most comfortable and at home.  A sweet substitute for that first space where I had no cares, a sweet little ocean called the womb.  




PPS:  This blog was written with my water brother in mind,  the true heart of water.

 

Right now, at this very moment, my higher self needs a divine breakfast but holy hour!!!   Look at the freaking time!!!    There must be a time thief in my midst!!!

Sigh.  Hopefully, I'll make it in time for lunch becuz it's divine lunch that I really need!!!

Literally.

And you know how I know?  Psst, my stomach just whispered it to me but in a very non divine way.  "Grrrr." It said.

But I am presently ignoring voices of this kind because I hate having breakfast...er...lunch all by myself...so here I am waiting for my hubby to come home...(he's away this weekend taking care of his elderly father who has lost his memory for most things except eating to survive.  Grrr.  I really don't understand Nature at times, ...actually, I do, never mind my crazy, coffee thirsting mind, so lets move on....)

"So, hon." I asked my hubby one fine day while we were sipping coffee at Tim Hortons. "How come you love your father so much...I mean, wasn't he a tyrant to you when you were younger?"

"No, he wasn't."   My guy glares at me.     Anyone present at Tim Hortons that morning would think I asked him to shoot his father, that I am a sort of misanthropic when it comes to other people's father!!!      Some nerves of those Tim Horton's customers!!!  Why, they don't even know me!!!!

 Grrr.  And why would I even think such a thing. I love my hubby's father, honestly I do.  The man was just as caring as my father. Oh alright.  Fine. I admit it.  To a little girl, one father looked like a  Dr. Jekyll and the other Mr. Hyde....but hey, even back then I could tell that both their hearts were just as big as the Sun...  See?

So I tried again.  (If you know me, I never give up with my curiosity and that's a disastrous thing, trust me.) So I continued.  "Oh right...um...sorry if I spilled coffee on a sore nerve...and oh, if you missed me, I am in my mind, busily mopping up."  But actually, its donuts I am thinking about.   Maybe I should have one after all.  (I sniffed, totally miffed.  Sheesh.   Some people!!!    You try to show them how totally sweet and caring they are and they just shoot you down  then ask questions when it's far too late.)

Umm. However, whatever I said to make him open up, worked!   He reached for my hands.     "All parents were tyrants in some way or the other but if we hold grudges and don't use our compassionate side when others are in need, then aren't we the real Mr. Hydes?"

Oh.  And wow.  Wasn't I just thinking about  Mr. Hyde?  Okay, either my guy is a mind reader or I must have talked in my sleep. Cripes. What else did I rant about?  Omg!  I knew it.  I knew it.  So this is why he refused to budge from his beliefs that I was the one who rode over the garbage can (Although I came up with this amazing theory that only a garbage truck could have possibly flattened a can that flat.) so yes, I must have rambled in my sleep.

I looked at him and knew he spoke a truth.   "I know." I said. "But I still think your love for your papa is genuine.  I mean it takes a lot of compassion to change a grown person's diapers."   My compassion draws the line here. I am sorry but I can't.  I just can't. I absolutely refused to.  I'd rather shoot myself.  (Cripes. Good thing my teacher pointed out to me that if I ever became a nurse, I'd have to...er...um...do the unthinkable.    

"You would do the same for another human being too." My hubby's  voice pulls me back into my surroundings.

I gaped at him in horror.  "Me?" I squeaked.  Why, I'd puke a million times before I get the job done.  And oh god, I'd rather die than see my parents naked!!!  (I mean, there are times when I am very saddened my dad is dead.    This is not one of them.)

My guy smiles. "Yes, you."

I blanched.  Why did he always have to make everything sound like it was the law. "What makes you so sure?"

He took his dear time sipping at his coffee and then, "If it was me suffering from Alzheimer, would you do for me what I am doing for my father."

And then it hits me.  I am stunned by the realization actually. Wow.   "Yes." I said and now I am totally sure of myself.  Wow.   I am amazed at myself in fact.  "In fact, I'd do more than that for you."   ( Well, umm, except that I won't be able to carry him up the stairs, he's is 195 to my 111 lbs of body weight...  but hey, I'll be there for everything else... )

There was a scraping sound as he brought his chair closer to mine. He hugged me. "Thank you, baby."  

And suddenly I was overcome with tears, sad tears for my father-in-law and also happy tears that he brought such an extraordinary child into this world...

...a son who just made me realized that we are capable of so much if we are moved enough..........and that we have the power to move each other into compassionate mode.......................make each other realize that we are all capable of falling into the same hole and that stopping to help someone up is what will make us stronger to help our own selves in future and also give us certain insight to avoid such pitfalls.  (however, if I've ever fallen into a hole where there's no hope that I'll ever be able to help myself, somebody please, shoot me, put me out of my misery ;-)

So perhaps this is really what my higher self wants for me today, to truly practice doing onto others what I would have them do onto me or something divinely similar.

Er...however, lunch has been cancelled for now.  Umm, why?  Duh.   Read above.  Didn't I clearly state that it's not really food that my higher self needs?  Yike.  Now I will have to read above to make sure.  Yike. 

Okay, there is always dinner...but at the rate my stomach is retracting its non-divine 'grrs',  I'll end up with a midnight snack    ;-)

I supposed we are. 

There are a few people I have run into on this very planet (Yeah, as if there are other planets I regularly traverse ;-) who have used their observational skills to improve the lives of all those who they love and when people are happy and contented, planet is happy too I am sure.

Actually, I can only speak for two people.  Oh, heck...make that three but you know what, one story is enough to make my point.

The first human I speak of is the most compassionate, most nurturing, most protective, most caring being I have ever known and his story still makes me cry but don't worry, I will try not to write any sad stuff here...

A few months after he  was born, his mother suddenly wasn't her usual mental self, who knows, probably post-partum???  Anyway, she started acting strangely and her extended family not understanding this kind of mental imbalance gave her a severe whipping even though she was an adult woman!  Of course, the poor woman became physical ill as well and never recovered.

 A few weeks later, her grieving husband also fell ill and died, leaving behind three little girls and two boys. (like, wtf???)

But alas, a portion of the extended family was there for the little souls in the form of their uncle and aunt who took the wee wittle ones under their wings.  Wings that were already infected with kids of their own ;-(

I supposed his uncle and aunty did a great enough job in raising these orphans with love which was there all right but unconditional love of course would have been missing.  (Not that it was aunt and uncle's fault......hey...they probably did a better job than you and I would have done...)

Anyway, the baby boy eventually grew up, got married, had a  bunch of children of his own, built himself a small paradise and proceeded to give that to those, what he never had...

And the point of this story is also this :-  If there was ever one person who practiced what he preached, it was this guy. 

He once told me that if I understood the ways of the universe, I would not even hurt an ant but sad to say, I ended up killing many ants, a whole army of red ants in fact...and *sniff* you would have done the same too if a whole army of angry, red ants were marching up your legs!!!  Oh but wait, I've observed and learned, I no longer go where no legs have gone before.  So see? 

If there was one person I know who never killed anything, it was probably this guy.  I remember that one time when I saw with my very own eyes, a huge yellow tail snake slithering up the stairs...and me (with my screaming head in my hands),  ran into the house only to find another humonguous snake slithering up the inside stairs.    Oh the horror of it all and you know what, this guy refused to kill the scary bastards.  He said that they were a pair...and that they were searching for each other and he let them off scot free!!!!    (However, the good news is I never saw another yellow tail in my life ever again 'cept online ;-)

Stories of his compassion and caring abound.  So much to write but I don't want to make this too long  but just to say that there were probably times when this guy probably went hungry as a child, because he made sure it never happened to any of us and that number also included his drunken employees, pesky relatives and always-broke -customers....plus he was the only one who always remembered to feed the dogs, cats, cows.  Okay...I also helped to feed the rest of the animal farm as well !!!

4.  But alas, in non-fiction, the best of heroes end up dying before the close of the book and this one died at the age of 54 leaving behind children who were still minors.

5.  But hey...when a father hero has fallen, what?  Goat bit the daughter heroine????

This song is for my Papa, a true earth god who never did anything bad, the greatest and sweetest father a child could ever have...

May his story continue to empower and inspire everyone who hears it? (And if it doesn't, then his daughter sucks at non-fiction;-)

Yikes!  Isn't that a dangerous thought???    Oh fine, it's a safe one too ;-)

(*Hey, no looking at me like that, I'm not the one who created this contradiction of a world.* ) 

Anyway, back to the question.  "What if we saw the universe as a living thing?"  

 Hmm. Good one but so what if everyone suddenly becomes a pantheist???  

Holy Gawd!!! What would this world be coming to?     I mean, if we could see the universe as a living thing, would we just stop there or would we go on to see that the universe talks, it reads, it scowls, it even- Oh Gawd.  Pigs would fly!!!  And why not?  I mean I'd fly too if I suddenly realize that I'm not only ‘this little piggy that went to market', but truly, in fact, I am that, ‘little universe that went to market.'   

 Wouldn't you fly too if you know that you are this whole 'awful slash awesome' universe.... and back again?  Oh well, maybe not but wow, think of the transformation that would occur on earth. "Worshipping" will take on a whole wider church, bigger than this universe.  And everyone and everything would be considered sacred, yes even this rock I live under!!! 

But worse things could happen too.  I mean, predators may let their live meal run off scot free despite the fact that babies everywhere will starve...because you see, once we know the universe is alive and kicking, we might assume all kinds of things and may not want to hurt even a fly so out of compassion, the lion will let the deer out of the bramble because who really want to hurt the feelings of the universe?  (Plus really and truly, when we hurt the feelings of others, are we not hurting ourselves???)   Ah, the sacrificial altar will be a-buzz with self-sacrifices...

And did I mention that pigs would wanna fly?  Yes?  Well, not only THAT, once predators (and sorry, since ‘we are the universe', by ‘predators' I mean all of us) get wind that the universe breathes, it smiles, it has sharp teeth, yike, it even has soft feelings, trust me, this very realization alone could bring the world crumbling to the dust it once arose from....(but I repeat myself ;-)

Actually, if this ever happens, (everyone suddenly seeing the universe and god are one and the same), I'd rejoice over here at my computer.  Wow, Google, (the god I presently worship), would be celebrating along with me.  I mean, wouldn't you do the same too if you suddenly realize YOU ARE THE INTERNET??? And not just some small part like some non-existent god would have you believe? Why, a very important part, a just as important part as GOOGLE!!!!

You know.  Forget the above. It's possible but yet it's not because there are so many pantheists around the world and the universe has not fried up yet.              But let's not take that risk; let me find out from the lord of our universe, why this world will not fry up if all people became pantheist.  
 
So yes, let me ask the Him, the one who abounds in religious tales, the one who does not worship Google like some people I know, the one who is lord of all lords, yes even Microsoft.  

So, come on, come with me so I can ask the Lord who created this irresolvable paradoxical, yet resolvable contradictory world, a few questions.  Trust me, I don't even know what that last line means.   

(I mean, this universe only becomes a mystery each time i try to ponder it!  Some nerves!  And that's not all.    The minute I opened my mouth to call someone a bitch, I am rendered speechless because I know it takes a bitch to call someone else a bitch.  Ya know!!!  Its like (me) the universe constantly conspiring to take the wind out of my own sails!!!!  Ha. Oh wait, hmm...so if I told someone they are Lord of the Universe, does that make me, Lady of the universe??? Wow, that's the sweetest truth I've ever heard.  I mean why should I not accept this truth?  Goat bit me in some sacred place?????)

Okay, where was I again?  Yep. I am off to see Vishnu, sweetest lord of all there ever was, all there ever is and all there ever will be including flying carpets.     And guess what else?      I am taking some Cheerios for Him.  Cheerios is a cereal...for those of you who have never met a cheerio, then think "donut", a  teeny-tiny donut...............and why am I taking this kind of treat for Vishnu, lord of all including Microsoft? .....................(Psst, you're also lord and lady of Microsoft too...duh...if you don't use the damn product, then where would Mike be?)            It's my favourite treat, okay....and I know Vishnu would love it because legend has it that a strain of Himself called Krsna loved it when his buddy Sudama brought him a favorite snack....and trust me, cheerios has got to be a slightly better snack than some tough-to-chew-beaten- up-grain-stalk  that Sudama fetched around for days for his buddy Krsna. 

So yup! I just know Vishnu will love it that I went out of my way to find him a better snack...er...um...slightly better snack.

Hmm...but what if...what if Sudama brought to our lord ‘the slightly better' snack?  Oh gawd!  You know, I just cannot take this risk...I must find out the identity of that snack.      Shid. Shid.  Shid.      I'm almost there...can't turn back now....

Oh wait!!!  I am in my eve-il mobile, right!  Ha!   "Computer!"  I say with an ecstatic smile.  "Get me Google."

Computer grumbles.  "Garage door opening!"

Stupid computer!!!  "There's no garage door ahead, you idiot!!!  Get me the Internet!!"

My computer screen speaks again. "Dialling the Internet."

"No!" I screamed.  "You don't have to "call" the Internet!!!  Geez Cripes- "  At this rate, I'll be there at Vishnu's abode without a proper name for my...er...his slightly better snack.

"Google here."

"Google!"  I gasped.  (I've no time to greet Google, okay!)  "Find me...umm...you know that snack that Sudama took to Krsna so many years ago, yeah right, that one, its in the middle of that particular episode where Krsna washes Sudama's stinky feet...find me the name of that particular snack, okay?"

Google blinks like he's thinking real hard.  "Searching for ‘name of sudama gift to Krishna." 

Suddenly a list of lines come rolling out like The Matrix 'cept these lines are blue and horizontal.

Bingo!  I've got it!!  I frown as I read the name of the gift aloud. "Poha."  Wtf is Poha?  Oh never mind, its gotta be something delicious.  In any case, Poha is now the new name for Cheerios, okay General Mills?  Yall cool with that?  You guys could sell so much more cheerios once people gets wind that Poha is some kind of elixir, soma, ambrosia and all that food-fit-for-the-gods-biz.

Anyway, here I am.  I HAVE ARRIVED.  Psst.   At Vishnu's abode!!!  Vishnulok itself!!!!

Tell you what, I refuse to bore you stiff with all the beautiful sceneries floating around here.  Oh. Oh. Look at that breathtaking lotus pond...oh my God...heavenly fragrance...blossoms of all descriptions.  (I am literally falling to my knees at the sheer beauty of it all.)   Oh, crystal clear water fountains...mmm...elixir for the soul....oh me.  Oh God, I'm in seventh heaven!!!  Oh my, I want to live here already!!

And omg.   He's here. He was here the whole time.  I stare at him in stupefaction.  Hai Vishnu, Hai Lord of the whole universe, hey gentle ruthlessness, hai bhagwan, you're integral, so integral...okay...I am saying all this to him in my mind because my mouth has taken a back seat for some reason unbeknownst to me!!!!

"Hello Devi."

Sheesh.  What's up with Indian dudes?  Always calling me Devi ...not that I am complaining.....and don't get me wrong, Vishnu is not your average sponge bob eastern pants kind of guy....he's universal....perfect...chiseled nose, lotus feet...oh heck, let's just say he's carved in golden ratio...a magnetic kind of handsome....you look at him and you just cannot look away...

Psst.  I used to think that Vishnu was the Sun...ya know....Sunny Boy...yep, sponge bob, red pants up in the daily sky, the light of the universe.......and who knows, perhaps Laxmi, his feminine counterpart is synonymous with the moon, a moon goddess, light of the night world...and also our inner world...but what do I really know????.

(So here He is.  Lord of my Universe.  Technically, I've already met him. Let's just say I've met him in various forms.  And psst, you're also one of his forms whether you are male or female. So live with it. You are the universe. )

"So what have you brought me?" Lord Vishnu asks me with a soft smile.  And unlike Sudama, I did not hesitate. I proudly thrust my gift into his sweetly proffered palms. "It's Poha!" I say, still slightly awed by his welcoming smile.  "This is a modern kind of "Poha" mixed with timeless tastiness...its my favorite snack in fact. I made it all by myself just for you." I babble on as I cross my lying fingers behind my back...I'm sure General Mills will forgive me...especially when I tell them they are the Universe :))

I frown. It seems to me as if Vishnu is trying really hard not to be amused.  "Aw." He says as if he just swallowed a whole sock, either that or he's suffocating on humor.  "Devi, this is not Poha. Poha is rice but what I've here in my palms is called Cheerios."

Dang.  I am all reddish at this point. (That wretched Sudama, WHY would he bring sucha a DUMB SNAK for THE LORD OF THE UNIVERSE.  Rice?  Rice!!!    Who brings the lord of the universe uncooked rice?  Oh yes, right, Sudama, that's who!!!           I scowl inside my head.   My teeth hurts to just think about it.))  "Oh." I say.  "Whatever you want to call it, that's fine with me." And um General Mills, of course.    

Vishnu bursts out laughing. Well, he should, he's the one who created this whole ironic bloody, hell of a heaven, paradoxical, contradictory universe.  *sniff*

Vishnu wipes his eyes.  "Devi, I didn't create this universe." He smiles contritely.

"What?" I gape.  "You did not?"  Oh God. I feel so disappointed. I mean, I mean, what if he claims that Jesus' father built it. Oh God, that means I would have to go to church and..and... joining one would be like joining an MLM pyramid scheme with me in the middle being sweet-talked to recruit more recruiters just to sell a handful of not-very-original-products...er ....already-used-wisdom in this case!!!  "Hmm." I say to Vishnu. "But someone must have had to create the universe!" Please, please, I pray silently, please don't say it was created by some Middle Eastern or Indian guru or Greek god.  I mean, who can handle Zeus???  Oh actually, if it was Zeus who built our universe, then that would explain some of the unnecessary war-

Vishnu drops a few cheerios into his mouth.  "No one. Nothing.  We were always here, you and I and everyone and everything."   He finishes with a slight laugh.  And then, "Mmm.  Cheerios are indeed delicious.  I love this snak.  It's divine."


Woosh.  I breathed out a huge sight of relief.  General Mills will be thrilled.  Perhaps I'll get a whole year supply of cheerios or umm they will pay me for advertising .....er introducing their product in heaven......and umm.....you know what else?  This is the best answer I've ever had!!! And yet it puzzles me. "It doesn't make total sense to me." I say with a frown.

And then I felt it.  It was like a light bulb going off ...hmm...or is that ‘on' in my head.  Okay, never mind that...anyway, suddenly I know, I just know that right here, right now, we are re-creating ourselves...so we could all look like brangelina?  No.  No. Not like that at all.  I'm not talking about smaller butts or bigger...yikes...or the next hot ‘it' physical feature!!!    I'm thinking non-literal things here, okay!!!  And fine, maybe I got it all wrong, perhaps Vishnu has a slightly better idea.   "You're kidding me, right?" I asked Vishnu.

The Lord of my Universe looks thoughtful.  "Okay, Devi, if I created the universe, then who created me?"

I am stomped for a whole minute.  And then it dawns.  I smile.  "You see, everyone and everything already exists.   Nothing is ever created but everything is re-created...in other words, we merely change forms....and we don't die....we are not even being born but reborn.......i.e. we are not new but we look new because we come from something old, something that have always existed!  It's like taking old material and making something new with it...and this something old is called Matter and matter cannot be destroyed but could change form, could be made to look like its been destroyed.  It's the indestructable thing in this universe of flux." I ended my blabber with a triumphant smile.

Vishnu smiles too. "Yes.  It may seem as if we are creating things but what we are doing is constantly recreating things. So, literally, anything could happen. Everything that you could ever imagine or dream about could happen."

"Wow!" I say.  "I'm a genius." I smile smugly only to frown.  "So, if you didn't created the universe, then you must at least be Lord of it all?"

"I am not ‘the Lord'of it." Vishnu says. "I ‘am' the universe."

"Vish. Vish. Vish."  I roll my eyes slightly.  "You can't say it like that...I mean you shouldn't say "I".  It's not only egoistic but it leads people astray....I mean Jesus once said, "I'm the light, I'm the way" and look how that turned out. Now everyone thinks that Jesus is the only light, Jesus is the only way.  I mean, what, would it have killed him to say, "We' are the light, ‘we' are the way?"  (actually, not saying it probably killed him...)

"Anyway." I continue.  "We should say "we" and please include my rock in there as well....because collectively, we are all the light, we are all the darkness. Heck, together we make up the universe.                  And yes, we are no small character in god's play because you see, there are no small parts.           In one of me, dwell all things, the whole universe lies within me just as it lies in all beings.      I am prose, I am poetry, I am whatever I, me, the universe, wants me, I, to be...animal, beast, heroine...

Vishnu bursts out laughing. Ya know.  This guy's mind is like the ocean...to disturb its tranquil waters, one has to be an ocean liner as fat as the moon and yet it would barely make any ripples...."Ah, sweet Devi, you're absolutely right."

Squeak.   I've never heard him speak like this in all the historical books.  Oh. Well, all paradoxes don't have to be resolved especially ones that praises me to the highest heavens.     So let's proceed with other thoughts.     Oh right.  Vishnu is like the sun, sunny boy.  He would never hurt another being unless that being wants to be hurt.  Think about it...the sun is out there and all it does it shine...but it doesn't purposely hurt anyone............right?  I mean, it you don't want to be hurt, just don't go outside when He's the fiercest, just stay away from his solar flare ups and his sun-spots!!! 

"Thanks." I say to Vishnu who is looking around for a gift for me. Mmm. I want a lotus flower but yike, I can't believe what my mouth (which is now in front seat mode) is about to say.   "I want nothing from you,  O Lord.  I already have everything....inside of me lies endless strength, endless courage, infinite riches, everything lies within me and I didn't come running to you in the hopes of getting you to solve all my troubles...er...troubling questions?"

"Oh Devi." Vishnu laughs again.  "Even though all things lies within you, they also lie outside of you and sometimes to get a dormant seed to rise, a gardener must till, water and nurture the soil."

"Hmm." I think out loud.  "I suppose I am a dormant seed, fast asleep, praying subconsciously to the gardener to come till me, awaken me?  Wait. Actually, a gardener...a devilish one... did that to me once...you know, I was this stuck up maiden, butter couldn't melt in my mouth and then the devil awoken me and now that I have borne his kids, I can't get back to sleep..."

Actually, that's not totally true. I am still asleep 99.9 percent overall.  I mean if all things dwell inside of me, then I'm sure they are mostly dormant beings...yike...I hope so...(okay, I like that the ‘mother' being has awakened inside of me...and yes, there are times when I had to be a father, carpenter, tool fetcher, humanitarian, santa claus, tooth fairy, detective and so many more...but yike, what if a monster or jezebel or an alien wants to take over my body???)     "I see." I say to Vishnu with a puzzled smile. "But still, I'm not separate from the whole. So whether I lie fast asleep or in full praying mode in the soil, the gardener would still come to awaken me, right?"

"Exactly." Vishnu smiles. "The gardener is your awakened form, he/she/the universe will come to awaken you when the rest of the universe needs you."  Vishnu hands me a lotus flower.

I am so awed by this kind of sweetness, I promptly forgot about all the other questions I had in my head.    And sides, we can already see that the universe is a living, breathing thing, right?  (rock of mine, are you listening?)   I mean if it fries up, so what?  We will rebuild, we are the master builders after all...er...'cept  yours truly.   "Thank you, Lord." I say with all the awe I am feeling. 

Sigh.  I won't bore you stiff with a single detail of my departure scene from Vishnu's abode.  Like how I touched the hem of Vishnu's garment, hugged him, talked some more and hey, I even mentioned Gaia to him and he's quite impressed that we are able to reach the unreachable world. 

And who knows, if you guys really think he's handsome, exceedingly smart, brilliant, yada yada, he might even open up an account here on Gaia.   But then again, Jesus, Zeus, Alla-ah and even G-d himself might want to join and that's not a very good idea, you know how very warring and sparring some gods could be..so let's not encourage Vish to join Gaia.  And hey, put the pout away, He will always be featured in my blog whether he's a hit or not.  Kay? Okay!!!

And oh, you can't have my lotus.  Go get your own!!!!!

Well, I always wanted to know (and this is a true story)  whether He loves me, thinks about me in the exact way I think about him.  So I asked him aloud in my mind....knowing that He would answer truthfully................  And boy, oh boy, was I ever right?   Yeah, very right!






Well.  No suspense here but scroll down anyway to read for yourself....












He said soft and clear.  "Of course, baby, I love and think about you in the exact way and more...."







And you want to see my reply?   Well, scroll your eyes down some more....







I was like,  "Why, you sick bastard!"




lol!

If I had all the time in the world, I might as well kill myself or I'd die of boredom. 

Well, isn't that what God did?  Big bang himself?   Yuh.  Either, the Guy was bored out of his non-existent mind...  or ....um....Infinite Time is pretending to be an illusion so we don't kill ourselves...over and over and over???

If I had all the time in the world, I swear, I'd never make up my bed.  Yeah, why should I?????  Sheesh, I've all the time in the world to do it later.    Actually, strike that.    It would be an eyesore and I don't want to have eye-sores following me to infinity and beyond.

Okay. If I had all the time in the world,  I'd frolic and sing and write...all day long.... but wouldn't it be foolish to try and pass time?   Duh.   Remember?   I have infinite amounts of time!!!!  

Ah.  Got it.  I'd take the time to read every new posting on Gaia...that's something I need infinite amount of time to do, right?  Right?  Right?  Right?  Huh?  I can't hear ya!!!!

Sigh...

TTFN for now.  Amy is crawling back under her rock to illusory time because if she stays out here long enough, she might kill infinite time, real time.

Hmm.   Now, how do I describe myself???

What kind of person am I??? 

• a. Am I spiritually unaware?
• b. World-plight oblivious?
• c. Socially insane?
• d. Religiously asleep?
• e. Deliberately unconscious?
• f. A Rock hugger? (I live under a rock, okay!!!)
• g. God Snubber? Devil lover, not? (They both need to apply for membership)
• h. Berries & Cashew nut hog?
• i. Rebel without a cause?
• j. Peacemaker for no reason?
• k. Spider killer?
• l. Ant saver?
• m. Sentence finisher (people need to talk faster, okay!!!)
• n. One who can't see anything wrong with the world?
• o. And nothing right with it either?
• p. Sleep lover?
• q. Shopaholic?
• r. Part-time Perfectionist?
• s. Full time slacker?
• t. Sun Worshipper?
• u. Moon's Rival?
• v. Sea Gazer?
• w. Winter's...er...um...expired friend?
• x. A Greener than green gorl who abso-freaking-ing-lutely have to have all her non-green stuff? 
• y..    and some etc.
• z.    All of the above? 

Yikes.

Seriously.  I gotta have more substance than those!!!!

Oh Gawd, what kind of a person am I really?

Really now.

How do I describe me fully?

I really don't know.  And yet I do know.

And you do too.  I'm sure of it.  So who knows, you may or may not agree with me on this:- 

And I think that whatever you think I am, I am.  If you think I'm deranged, I am that and that and yes, that too.    (Yikes. Probably in another universe but I still need to wash my mind out with soap for putting it in the gutter) 

Okay, now back to our conversation.  Yes, I could be that too.  (The seeds of all things exist in me.)  (May they remain dormant forever!!!)

Yes, that too.  And that.  And that.  Oh God, I murdered a spider only yestermorning and for no important reason.  Okay, spiders creep me out but it creeps out my child a hundred times more.  So for the sake of this little Miss Muffet who is no Tuff-it, I committed murder by flushing the fully-alive evidence away.   Actually it took three flushes to kick start the bastard on his journey to watery hell.  "Lord, how green is that?" was the only thought that came to mind at the time.

Anyway, I am all of that and more.  And you know what else?

I really don't mind labels.  The more labels, the better or worse.  Things without labels is uninterested in my view, anyway, er...um... unless gift wrapped.

I mean, would one have the urge to pick up a book if it doesn't have a label?  Imagine having to watch a hundred movies to find the right one....yikes and what if one stumbles across horror movies? *shivers* (Bogeyman is another dormant seed that would roar up to the surface like jack's bean-stalk to stalk scaredy cats!!!)

Yes.  Agree?  Labels are needed.  Labels protect us from danger.  Like from um...a force called China.  I mean if labels are not required, might they not be tempted to sell poison openly as elixir?  Hah, but then again forces could do this with labels too. 

Oh fine, agree.  Labels are not needed in some cases...and yet again, some things come with built-in labels that could be read accurately by fully functioning instinct...............   I mean if a deranged female comes on Gaia and no one can accurately decipher her, wouldn't they let her run wild and cause disturbances?  And wouldn't newcomers be afraid to join if they knew Gaia allows "mad" people to run amok?  Lol.  Shh.  Please don't sound the mad alert gong.  It's not my fault no one can see "Madness" and "Eve-il" tattooed on my forehead!!!!

Anyway, I am that and more.    I think I'm a universal being, one capable of everything under the sun.  Today I could be an angel , tomorrow I might appear to the world as a jezebel but of course it depends on which side of the fence you're standing..right?  Hmm. 

So go ahead world, label away.... consquences, schmunsequences be darned.

I'm a saint, I'm a sinner. I am rum, poison and elixir too so I wouldn't worry about anyone sticking the wrong label on me.....  (Lol.  Already, I feel like a package that has been sent to an infinite amount of wrong addresses.)...actually,  everyone should worry.  Lol.   You see, mislabelling things could short-change us...  and those of us who don't take the time to label others correctly may not like it when our turn comes around.....

Okay, label away, kind, unkind, it doesn't matter to me.  Just rememer that  when I'm being "poison", I'm "poison" in totality but that doesn't mean I should be labelled "ocean of poison".   Er...something like that.... 

As if anyone believes me.  *Sniff*

Madness goes on....

BMM81 I-Hate-Everything-Posters

Hmm.  I'm sure I hate everything I did last year.

But what the heck did I do on this day, one whole year ago ????

Hmm. More Hmms and yet...

Blank.

Yikes.

I can't remember a thing that happened last year this time. 

No worries.  Gaia to the rescue.  Yay!!!           Pstt.  I think my Gaia's blog might have a clue!!!

*Sigh*

No such luck.  It seemed as if I blogged on March 15 and March 17 of last year but neglected to do the same on this 16^th day  (and its sunny one year later on a winter Monday.)

Oh well.

Well.  Well.

Heaven. 

I may not remember what I did yesteryear but I sure know what I was thinking.  And I thought that Gaia was made just for me.  Mmm.  You know how I know???  Duh ...I think this thought at least once a day. 

And I'm not only talking about virtual Gaia....why I'm talking about Earth Gaia and the rest of the universe as well. 

Yep.  A whole universe was made just for me.   Yes, me, me and me :))

happy-bunny-about-01

(((Oh, don't feel too bad...this universe was made for you too.  Psst, it was made by me for you and for you by me...  *grins* )))

And ‘sides if I didn't remember this important thought from last year, who cares what I did last year anyway?  Well...er...I'd cared if I did something phenomenal but I just know I didn't or I wouldn't be here searching through my mind to find some useless needle in a haystack....

And another ‘sides, why should I mope about some unproductive date called March 16, 2008???

You see, I am having a perfect dreamy day today called March 16, 2009.   And you know what else;  it's finishing up exactly according to plan.....mmm.....a whole day to dream about nothing....

928 Happy-Bunny-Not-Spoiled-Posters

Mmm.  First of all, I had my fill of delicious sleep .  Yes, I slept in.                                  ((((Mmm.    God, I love this world.      I thank myself daily for making it for me and...er...you....Oh fine...I also thank you daily for making it for you and me.  No doubts about it, we created it for each other...you, me and everyone and everything around us...................happy now?????  I am rolling my eyes here.  You couldn't let me take the credit of it all now, could you????   You had to sneak in some doubts into my mind when I wasn't looking?????  Bloody Devil!!!!  )))))

And you know how I know I made this universe for me?  Duh...if I didn't, then why would it be here waiting to serve me each day I rolled out of bed???   Why would it invite me in to have my pick of breakfast each day???  

And you know how I know you made this universe just for me?  Duh...if I made it up for only me, then why would I feel like a stranger in my own universe???

Exactly!!!!   And come to think of it, why do I feel like a goldilocks minus the gold in the locks who thinks a tiny bowl of oatmeal is just right and tasty???  You see?  If I'd dreamed up this universe all by myself, I'd be the one leaving porridge out for the three bears!!!

 Precisely!!!!   It explains why I always feel like a curious Pandora each time I awake to this huge box of a universe!!!!    God!!! 

Yikes!  Now do you see why I see what I see???   Yes, I'm the Alice in your Wonderland!!!!

So!!!

Thanks for making this day for me, dear world.  Thanks for being rock-like and at times as soft as a blanket.  Thanks for being here for me.  Thanks for not being there for me.  Thanks for being you.  Thank you, March 16, 2009.

I love you, oh beautiful day :)    

931 Happy-Bunny-Move-Along-Posters

  Liza.  I would never regret meeting her.  And now that she's no longer on Gaia, I am starting to realize the enormity of this statement. But lucky for me, Liza and I are still able to keep in touch since she lived only minutes away from me...

Yep, I'm very glad I met her...so thank you earth god for creating virtual worlds for all of us  souls who would like to meet the whole world but is too lazy to move our feet...(whoever would  have thought that fingers would one day outrun feet!! Certainly not me!!!)

Now, back to Liza.  Ah...she's a great friend, one you could tease around the bend...and she would never take offence...and she reminds me so much of the girlfriends I left behind back home. (I treasure my girlfriends and I only have a few here on CA soil so thank God for Gaia...now I have gorlfriends from all over the world....)

 Yep, Liza turned out to be a great friend, the kind of friend that would warn you your bra-strap is exposed or try to help you smooth out the kink in your hair or even come to the bathroom with you to to help you remove wine stains from your evening gown....and so much more girl stuff....

So really now, whoever  said Diamonds are a girl's best friend probably never met Liza.  She's a sister and friend in one.  And seriously, I would gladly trade in all my diamonds for one precious girlfriend...that's how valuable they are......someone to giggle with...someone to share stories with....I mean...can we do those things with cold, hard, sparkly stones???  Ha.  In our dreams, perhaps...

"Leez." I emailed her one fine day. "What say you that we visit Ama and see how huggable she really is?"  And while I could find no one in my world that would help me fulfill this curiosity, Liza was there of course.

The other day, I shouted out to her, "Hey Leez, come to my house to help me host a bridal shower." And of course Liza will be there in her coconut bikini to help me stir up pina colada for my guests.

Yep, she's a true friend whom I met here on Gaia in December of 2007.  She made a comment on my photo I think and I emailed her with a "Let's be Friends?  Would you like to join my friendship circle?"  And she responded. "Absolutely."

Here is poem...(er...or an attempt)...just for Liza

 While other Goddess touched me with their night

A rare one approached me bursting with light

With a touch of cool breeze, a dash of sunlight 

Her girlish charms lit up dark Gaia plights

Liza, God's promise in Hebrew, God's bounty in Latin

Her grace is soft as silk and smooth as satin

And with a smile that equals that of sunrise 

You could see profound wisdom dancing in her eyes...

At each and everyone's blogging sessions

She radiates charms and joyful impressions

She's kindness and sweet generosity

And also a skyrocketing Miss Popularity

She nurtures all, on her you could depend...

She really is Mother Nature's truest girlfriend

And as if they are poetry she has never before heard

She smiles at flowers, animals, people, birds...

On the blooms of life, she is a rare flower

Keeping gardens alive with flair hour after hour

Liza, a modern gal of the world and as versatile

She is The Philippines and Canada in rocking style...

So all of Liza's friend here on Gaia, this blog is for you because she emailed me to say that she was really sorry she didn't take the chance to say goodbye to each and everyone of you, preferred to leave quietly...and that she left because she needed to spend more time on her teaching skills.   So who knows, she may be back sometime soon.

So if any of you miss our Liza, please feel free to say how you feel.  I promise this blog won't self-destruct for a while :)

PS:  Yikes!  I am getting all sleepy.  Will edit later...